As I sat in my local woods and reached from my journal to capture what was going on inside me on this 10th of May day...little did I know that I would come to share the words publicly about "remembering our heartlight" on my Facebook page. Or that I would have two lovely souls reach out to me to say the words were exactly what they needed to receive and how they helped them.

So now instead of reaching for a pen, or clicking the start recording button on my phone I am capturing the same words here on my blog in case at some point in time there is someone needed to receive them.

My  journal...10th May

7 years ago we discovered the heart light of what would have been our first child had faded and now there was a darkness, an emptiness and deep pain.

Today 7 years later I sit and I remember not that moment though that is there but I remember a poem that I wrote in my teenage years.

Every twinkle of a silver star, 

Hold the hopes, the dreams of a heart, of a soul

Every dying firey ember,

Is the fading of a light within, the darkening in a man's soul.

​

I am not sure at the age of maybe 11 or 12 I truly understood the depth of the words I had written, but I felt them deeply, they stuck and the words have never faded. Looking back maybe it was me connecting with my 11-2 soul plan energy - starting to activate an awareness of the transience that is life, that there is change, that there is a cycle of life and death, light and dark and that in our world there is both. Both are experience because of the other, shadows exist because of light and we experience light because we have the contrast of darkness...

But today I remember these words because it reminds me that we can make a choice in those dark moments, whether we look up to find the light in our lives or fade into the darkness.

7 years ago  I chose to look up, it wasn't immediate, my head would fall downwards but the stars called me back and the light of those stars rekindled the light in my heart and I found my way back home.

Finding the blessing in the dark times...

I found abundance and gratitude for though that little heart light may have flickered only briefly within me it blessed me with a gift, it should me being a mother was indeed possible when I had been told by doctors it was unlikely. That little heart light taught me to value life...to live it with awareness just how amazing it is - from the moment our own heartlight flickers into existence to the very moment we are standing in right now.

That journey shapes us and we can decide in every moment whether we are going to reach for the stars and shine a light into the world, illuminate it or fall into a well of darkness and let it be lost. Ultimately you decide how you shine your heartlight in the world, but the gift of life is precious (as I have discovered).

(On my Facebook Live I went on to show how nature showed that where there were ending there were also beginnings because a cut down tree was sending out the first shoots of new growth right by where I was sitting. Hope for the future).

Light and blessing to all that take this journey on Mother Earth.